Missing Myrna & Jamie's wedding

Myrnas wedding bouquet


Myrna just sent this pic to me of the bouquets she is having for the wedding. The peachy/orange coloured one will be hers, and the ivory ones will be for the bridesmaids. Seeing this picture really upsets me. For some reason its knowing she's picked the bouquets that is making it seem REAL that its only a few weeks and she'll be married! Even more real, I'm not going to be there :( I was fully aware that I wasn't going, it didn't even bother me that much when the girls bought their bridesmaid dresses, but knowing a final decision has been made on the flowers, I'm devestated. All of a sudden I get the mental pictures of myself walking down the aisle with the other girls, smiling, laughing and enjoying the once in a lifetime experience...but its just imagining, I'll never know what its really going to be like.

I thought "Okay, lots of people get married and sometimes their best friends can't make it" but I'm not supposed to be the best friend that couldn't make it. I'm supposed to be there, even if not as part of the bridal party...at least in the audience taking a million pictures. Of all Myrna's closest friends I'm the "only" one not making it. I'm disappointed in myself that it hasn't worked out. I sometimes think, I should have tried harder, I should have been willing to spend the money, I should have been willing to not go home this summer, I should have been willing to demand that work give me the vacation time I wanted. And yet, all of these things have went against me in my efforts to get there.

How will I feel later when its all over and everyone returns from the wedding talking and laughing about what happened or didn't happen. I'll sit there and wish I hadn't missed it, wonder if I'll regret if for the rest of my life, be sadden that I didn't experience any of it. I have such sadness about it. Then I wonder if Myrna & Jamie really comprehend how sad, disappointed & upset, that I am about not being able to go. On one hand I'm sure they think yeah that's too bad, but on the other hand do they think she could have been there IF she really wanted to be. All these things go through my mind more often than not.

I've known Myrna forever, literally since birth. And in a way I feel like I'm messing up our lifes plans. Talking as young girls about when we get married and how we'll be there and then I go and mess it all up. And nothing against Jen but she's only known Myrna a few years and she gets to go? Why can't I? Seems like I'm getting cheated somehow. All I know is, I have to put myself in the mind set that I'll see all the pictures, I'll see someones home video, and know that the girls will fill me in on every detail no matter how small, and that though I may not be there in body I will be in spirit. And that my not being at the wedding does not change my friendship with Myrna, my closeness to her and to remind myself that we still have the rest of a lifetime to share and experience other happy memories.

May 2-4 2005

Camping May 2-4 Weekend 2005


Every May 2-4 we now have a tradition of camping up on the land. Let me clarify who "we" are, and where "up on the land" is. We-all Kristens and my friends (Myrna, Jamie, Jen, Chris, Steph, Jason, Corey, Vicky, Shawn, and who knows who else, previous years...Neil, Perry, Marianne, Sone, Brian, Audrey, etc). Up on the land- 3 acres of land that Kristens family (Nanny Betty, Poppy Manuel, Michelle, Barry and Brian) own. Since there's no provincial park rules or fees...lol, we go camping here for usually one night :)

It seems that everyone has a great time, or I like to think so cause they all keep coming back. We usually play volleyball, cook and eat way too much food, hang out around the campfire, and some years the guys will even bring their guitars (much to my disappointment this year nobody did). We always stop at the chip truck and enjoy some homefries, then eat bbq'd steak, and on to roasted weiners and marshmallows, not to mention an occasional s'more...mmm.

Its not even that the land is such a great place to be, its an uneven field with hills and lots of groundhog holes, no luxury bathroom by far, no shower, and its not even that warm this time of year, but I think its the good times, the laughter, the socializing with your most beloved friends. Its creating memories so that when we're old and grey we can say "remember that May 2-4 weekend when".....and have a great laugh and when finished sigh with pleasure of a life not just survived but lived.

Family Tree

Grandfather Bishop


This is my great grandfather, John Bishop. He is the father of Guy Bishop who is my mom's dad. He passed away when I was 6 years old, I know I went to the funeral but I don't remember much about it. My fondest memory of him, was him testifying in church. He would get so excited about God and Heaven. Myrna found this picture while going through her families old albums when she was working on her grandmothers scrapbook. I absolutely LOVE this picture. It shows, so well, the lifestyle our great-grandparents had in newfoundland, on the shoreline with two cod. How things have changed.

On to the reason of this blog, I wanted to share my new idea. This picture has inspired me to gather all pictures of all our grandparents and great-grandparents (and farther if possible) to display in our new home. Surprisingly Kristen is supportive of this :) he often thinks my ideas are cheesey....lol. Currently we only have one Great-grandparent living, who is Mom Barnes, on Kristens mom's side. We'll take more pictures of her while we're home this summer to pick the best one for our collection. Along with that I would like to continue figuring out my family tree. With the help of some other peoples reseach I have traced back the tree of my grandmother Bishop, Kristens grandmother Hann, and soon Kristens grandfather Brown. Still a lot of work to do but eventually it is something I would like to complete. I'm planning on spending quite some time talking with my grandparents while I'm home to take advantage of their knowledge before its too late and possibly lost forever.

Here's the one site I have that helped with two of the family trees (Grandmothers Bishop before marriage Parsons and Hann before marriage White) http://www.rumbolt.com/ Never know, you might find someone in your family.

Failed Blog Comment

As I was checking email this morning I had one from my dearest friend Amanda with this subject: Failed Blog Comment. To my horror, I discovered that my settings didn't allow comments if you aren't a fellow blogger...eek! But also, serves you right Amanda Park, you better get one soon! So I adjusted my settings and anybody in the world can now comment on them....another eek! lol. She was commenting on my superstitions and had some GREAT new ones to share from her experiences when she was out to sea off Alaska. Here's her email below:

"Hey Christa, Intersting Blog. Got me thinking about some superstitions that I know, I came to realize that some of the boats I was on were very superstisious...here are some that are still followed today on the high seas. 1. It is unlucky to start cruise on Friday, the day Christ was crucifed. (in the 19th century the keel of a new ship was laid on Friday, she was named HMS Friday, launched on Friday and finally sent to sea on a Friday. Neither the ship nor crew was ever heard of again!) 2. Black seabags are bad luck. 3. Never should dirt or flowers be on board, because dirt belongs at the bottom of the sea and flowers are used to make a wreath after the ship has sunk. 4. Count your fish during the day, and you will catch no more 5. and finally Gulls are belived to carry the souls of lost sailors, therefor it is unlucky to kill a gull...on the other hand apparently if you get pooped on by one that will bring you lots of luck! I am just going to say I should be one lucky girl!! These are some of the interesting ones that I heard, there are a tonne listed in a fantastic book called The Ocean Almanac. Keep on Bloggin! Cheers Amanda"

Friday the 13th

Not sure how I feel about today, I am pretty superstitious with just about every old wives tale I've ever heard of. This one I'm still on the fence. For the most part nothing terrible has happened on this day and usually it ends up being like any other Friday. However, in the spirit of things, figured I should share some of my superstitions.

-Never walk under a ladder
-Never pass someone on the stairs
-Cannot leave through a different door than what you entered (sorry Bob Green)
-Have to draw crosses in front of you, as single crow crosses your path (saw Ruby, Marinas mom do this when we were kids, figured I better not mess with that if someones MOM does it)
-Never try on someone else's engagement or wedding ring
-Cannot walk down the aisle with your significant other before you're married (example in someone elses wedding)
-Never look in a mirror in the dark
-If you dream someone dies, someone is pregnant
-If you dream someone is pregnant, someone is going to die
-If you dream about someone who is already dead, someone is going to die (Myrna told me this one)
-If you trip up the steps (I always thought you wouldn't get pregnant, Kristen tells me this also means someone is pregnant, scary thing is, so far he's been right)
-Can't throw out water on Good Friday (just remember being told this once when I was a kid by my mom, cannot remember the reason why, for sure some religious reasons)

-I do remember in Grade 12 I was going to Corner Brook to have my grad pictures taken and I had a "sty" or "wist" on my buttom eyelid. If you don't know what that is, I can only describe it as a hard pimple type red bump. So Nan took her wedding band off, washed it, then crossed my eye 9 times where the sty was...now here's the scary part. Sure enough, the next day it was pretty much gone. I was amazed and completely terrified all the same time, my grandmother is very religious but I'm convinced this is border line witchcraft! lol.

That's all I can think of right now, I will add more as they come to me.

Christa is the "emotional" friend

Today is a day that I fear you will read this and finally conclude I am crazy. I'm not quite in a bad mood though I have had bad mood moments today. And currently I feel okay but in my chest I feel this anger just building up, as if I'm ready to EXPLODE if that one person happens to be "the straw that breaks the camels back".

It all started I guess on Monday and yesterday, few things here and there regarding some events going on this summer which I'm helping with, then on to today when a co-worker started pushing my buttons (or so I thought, but he wasn't trying too and I had just thought the worst of him...I know, shame on me), on to me flipping out at Kristen lunchtime, which he didn't really deserve but I excuse the behaviour by convincing myself that they were things that needed to be said, which they really didn't. I just wanted to bitch at him cause I'm feeling insecure, unappreciated, and just plain miserable today.

These days are why my friends refer to me as the "emotional" one! On a day like today one glance at me and they see the raging bull, at second glance I'm cracking up at the latest joke, and on third glance bursting into tears. I don't know where the emotions come from, and I know its all a reaction and I can choose NOT to react and yet I do. Especially the bad reactions, like todays lunchtime episode, and now I just want to cry cause I feel guilty (no idea why, am I PMS'ing I wonder?...lol)

Now that I read back what I just wrote, I feel like an idiot but its totally accurate and I really am a lunatic! Does this make me unique and interesting that I'm such an emotional person (I cry easily regardless if I'm a raging bull) or am I just a bitch that has to complain, whine and cry? Does this make me weak cause I wear my heart on my sleeve? Or does this make me strong cause I'm not afraid to show how I feel? I've resolved that I just have to learn how to control the reactions, continually work at becoming a better person (I do this by trying to copy the good qualities of my many friends and family members), and now my new therapy venting on my blog :)

Writing Festival in Woody Point

Its to my great pleasure that I found out Woody Point has started holding an annual writers festival. I thought that was so exciting. Not only do I love to read but this festival promotes both Newfoundland and Canadian writers. This years festival will start while I'm home on vacation, not sure if I will be actually able to attend any of the sessions but at least I have the option. I researched some of the writers yesterday to discover I would never read some of the books (too disturbing) and others I can't wait to see if they're available to buy when I do get home.

Here's the website if you want to check it out www.writersatwoodypoint.com

Woody Point, Newfoundland

Healthy Heart

This week no matter who I talk to (Amanda) or watch on tv (Oprah) its all focusing on living a healthy lifestyle to prevent cancer, heart disease and stroke. I've really started researching these things in the last couple of years, especially heart disease since I myself have a heart murmer and many members of my family had or currently have serious heart problems. Both on my mothers and fathers sides, my grandfather Bishop had an angina attack when I was in highschool, my grandfather Ball had open heart surgery which I was too young to remember, and my Uncle Scott has been sick as long as I can remember.

Uncle Scott cannot work cause he has so many blockages, the smallest simplest tasks that we do without a second thought can confine him to bed or couch all day cause it's taken every last ounce of energy. He has so many blockages that he's even starting to lose his eyesight. The Dr. refuses to go in and try to operate or do anything to help until its a life and death situation. And yet, I love this Uncle dearly, its seems God allows the most caring, humble and peaceful people to be the ones to get sick. He's so soft spoken, always has a smile, makes the effort to travel hours across the Island to visit my dad more than any other sibling that he has (remember a trip like this takes an extreme toll on my Uncle and his wife does all the driving), he's appreciative of beauty since he always comments how much he loves Bonne Bay and he has a God given talent for wood-working that if he were healthy, he would be RICH cause people beg him to make things for them which he unfortunately has to turn down. I wonder what he thinks sometimes, does he worry about his wife, kids, and grandkids missing him when he's gone whether it be sooner or later, or does he have peace because of his deep faith and spiritual walk with God?

So all this brings me to my deep convictions of trying to eat healthy and be active. My genes may have already decided my fate and that I cannot change, but what I can control is how I take care of me. Kristen is my greatest encouragement cause he actually "likes" fruits and veggies so I don't have an excuse of it not being in the fridge or cupboards. I haven't acquired much of a taste for fruit but I'm very proud of myself for tasting new and eating veggies now. Broccoli being one of the veggies I eat more than any other...amazing eh?? I'm not near as active as I was in high school but I now walk twice a week with Myrna (summer months), an odd walk here or there with Jen, plus general activities with Kristen, occasional workouts on the elliptical, and volleyball once a week in the winter months (which I would do every other day if I had the time and money). I was doing pilates last winter which I aboslutely loved but a purchase of a new house put that on hold....for now.

I like to share my new found knowledge of healthy foods, such as why we should eat broccoli (lots of folate/folic acid which promotes fertility) not intending to offend or show off but to encourage friends and family to be healthy too. Yet I fear coming off as a know it all or a hypocrite cause they see me eat those chocolates or potatoe chips. I do not claim to be a heatlh nut or fitness guru although someday it would be nice if I could say that :) in the meantime I'm continually improving in both areas and hope to gain more knowledge and who knows maybe pursue my passion of health and fitness in other areas of my life (eg: career) Please check some of these links if you're interested in furthering your knowledge too :)

Heart & Stroke Foundation of Canada
www.heartandstroke.ca
Oprah Archives (May 3/05) http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200505/tows_past_20050503.jhtml
Canadas Food Guide to Healthy Eating
http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hpfb-dgpsa/onpp-bppn/food_guide_rainbow_e.html