Friday, July 21, 2006

Emotions

It's been a rough week...here's a basic list of the emotions and feelings I've felt since Monday.

- Rage/Anger
- Sadness/Hurt
- Insecure
- Selfish
- physically drained
- giddy and hyper

I don't like feeling like this, it makes me be a person that, I know, is not who I truly am. I know it sounds like I'm playing the victim but I really feel I have no control over this. If I had control over the emotions, then how could I have a completely normal conversation with someone yet "feel" that rage right in the middle of my chest. I think I know "why" I've been like this but it's something that I'm not willing to change right now so I'll have to suffer with it.

That being said, Kristen is the one who takes most of the abuse when I'm like this. I realize he honestly has no idea what to do because it's basically a lose lose situation for him...if I don't know what's wrong at the time how can he know how to deal or react? Whatever he does will more than likely be the wrong answer or wrong thing to do. He might not think or feel this way at all but it is my own thoughts of guilt that I have.

And yet, I find sometimes when I'm at my craziest it's when I truly ask myself those deep down questions, who am I, am I happy with the person that I am, the person I'm striving to become?Am I good significant other or friend? Does the roller coaster emotions force me to think and force myself to be accountable for my actions: both good and bad?? I'm not sure if I know those answers but I do know that I'm the only one resposible in how I choose to react to all of this and hopefully that this "test" proves me to be the GOOD person that I think I am.

5 comments:

myrna_weblog said...

Honestly, if you think it's the pills, the you should change your prescription. You shouldn't have to feel this way and sometimes it takes a bit effort to find the right pills/hormones for your body. We've all been there so don't beat yourself up about it. Hope you feel better real soon.

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