By Stephanie Gray
Despite having a low IQ and questionable morals, this average Joe can offer up more than just D’oh!
10. No beer and no TV can really make a person go crazy.
9. True love really is blind. How else can you explain Marge’s devotion to a fat, lazy slob?
8. Daydreaming (particularly if it involves eating) is an excellent way to alleviate boredom or remove yourself from discussions you don’t understand. Mmmm…chocolate land.
7. Having children guarantees hair loss. With a child like Bart, of course some grey hairs are imminent. But in this family, not even a bottle of cure-all Dimoxonil can last.
6. “Borrowing” is another word for keeping, especially if it includes brand new tools courtesy of Ned Flanders.
5. Don’t bother trying because you’re going to fail anyway. Plan to succeed unintentionally and maybe you'll become an astronaut or a conceptual artist.
6. If you don’t like your job get a new one. Or two. Suggestions: plow driver, carnie, beer baron or food critic.
5. You’re never too old to rock out. Or play air guitar. Extra props if you can revitalize a barbershop quartet or attempt to join a bona fide group via band camp.
4. It’s perfectly acceptable to sleep on the job, ask your billionaire boss for money, use an animal as a replacement and risk a nuclear meltdown – as long as you're not Frank Grimes.
3. If you can’t articulate something break out into song. Topics such as food cravings – like pizza and hot dogs, your new name, or beer are preferable.
2. Even if you feel full there’s still room for more.
1. Everything you need to know can be learned from television. “The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!” – Homer Simpson
No comments:
Post a Comment