Friday, February 17, 2006

Good Ol Bonne Bay

Well it's all Kristens fault....he decided to do a search of blogs today about Bonne Bay. What does he find?? A blog of a photographer who spent part of the summer in Woody Point as the Gros Morne Artist in Residence Program just scroll down the link and look at his October 2, 2005 post titled "Thanks" it's a collage of photos he took while there. They are of people that I KNOW! My kindergarten teacher, people I went to school with, the mail lady, the chicken coop ladies! It's all too much....it's a slow day at work this afternoon and this is what I have done; stare at these pictures of the people and scenery of my hometown, where I grew up and have some of my best memories.

At this moment I could just cry, I have that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. That feeling you know means that I'm HOMESICK. It's not easy being away from home, some days I love Ontario and the city life, but a lot of days I miss mom and dad. I miss seeing my grandparents, who let's face it, are not getting any younger, not seeing Kristen's little sisters grow up, and who could forget Kenda and Kayla who are like my own little sisters. That's just the family side of it. On to the lifestyle, no ski-doo runs on the weekend, going to the marine centre in the summer to catch some mackrel, going up to the swimming brooks, fires on the beach, and so many other things that would make this post way too long if I had to list them all.

Kristen and I went home this summer for a wedding and realized that living in Ontario might provide a cheque every week and a few more material possessions than we might have if we lived home but it is really the residents of Bonne Bay who have EVERYTHING! I wonder if those who have never left really do realize and appreciate what they have? Fresh air, freedom to roam the streets at any hour, alone or with company, the choice to leave your doors unlocked. A view of mountains and water that, to a tourist, takes your breath away but is a part of everyday life to those who live there.

I would move home in a heartbeat if the right opportunity were there. I know there are downfalls to the small town life, one being where everyone knows your business and yet it's what adds to the charm. I didn't always want to move home, I've been homesick on too many occassions to keep count, but it has been since this summer that I have the desire to be there, see my kids grow up there so they can have the same experiences growing up that I did (the ones I refuse to have right now, partly because I don't want kids in Ontario) and yet it's out of my control. What do I do? Go home without employment and hope for the best? Do I just keep pursuing job openings until I finally get one? Do I try to be creative and maybe open my own business? At the moment none apply....so I'll go to the arena tonight to watch Kristen's hockey game, put on my best face with the biggest smile that my eyes will crinkle more than usual...all the while trying to ignore that feeling in my stomach that I would just rather be HOME.

3 comments:

dafrhug said...

I have no idea how you can tell who it is in those pictures. I looked and they are way too small for me to recognize anyone.

I miss home too but not nearly as much as you do. I'm quite settled into my life here in Calgary. But my whole life I've wanted to live in a city and knew I always would. The small town life just isn't for me. Although I'm nervous about raising my kids here, I look at the positive side and see all the opportunities that they have here, many of which I had to miss out on growing up.

Stephanie said...

As someone who was in a similar position, I know exactly how you feel. Keep looking for opportunities at home because they sometimes pop up when you least expect it.

We had some concerns about moving back to NL but now we know it was definitely the right choice for us.

Messa1981 said...

I feel your pain thats for sure!! I was home in October and have been home sick ever since!! I am missing so much by not being home. Mom and Dad are not geting younger and Zachary is geting so big already!! I feel the same as you sometimes by thinking maybe I can just go home and start a little business or something!! Who knows maybe we'll end up back there someday!! I know I feel the same about kids as well!! I don't want to raise kids in Ontario thats for sure. Yeah the opportunities are unlimited in the big city but they also miss out on a lot, like freedom!!!