Today is a day that I fear you will read this and finally conclude I am crazy. I'm not quite in a bad mood though I have had bad mood moments today. And currently I feel okay but in my chest I feel this anger just building up, as if I'm ready to EXPLODE if that one person happens to be "the straw that breaks the camels back".
It all started I guess on Monday and yesterday, few things here and there regarding some events going on this summer which I'm helping with, then on to today when a co-worker started pushing my buttons (or so I thought, but he wasn't trying too and I had just thought the worst of him...I know, shame on me), on to me flipping out at Kristen lunchtime, which he didn't really deserve but I excuse the behaviour by convincing myself that they were things that needed to be said, which they really didn't. I just wanted to bitch at him cause I'm feeling insecure, unappreciated, and just plain miserable today.
These days are why my friends refer to me as the "emotional" one! On a day like today one glance at me and they see the raging bull, at second glance I'm cracking up at the latest joke, and on third glance bursting into tears. I don't know where the emotions come from, and I know its all a reaction and I can choose NOT to react and yet I do. Especially the bad reactions, like todays lunchtime episode, and now I just want to cry cause I feel guilty (no idea why, am I PMS'ing I wonder?...lol)
Now that I read back what I just wrote, I feel like an idiot but its totally accurate and I really am a lunatic! Does this make me unique and interesting that I'm such an emotional person (I cry easily regardless if I'm a raging bull) or am I just a bitch that has to complain, whine and cry? Does this make me weak cause I wear my heart on my sleeve? Or does this make me strong cause I'm not afraid to show how I feel? I've resolved that I just have to learn how to control the reactions, continually work at becoming a better person (I do this by trying to copy the good qualities of my many friends and family members), and now my new therapy venting on my blog :)
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
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2 comments:
You're not crazy, just "Kooky" lol :) I figure, as girls, we're entitled to the occasional psychotic day. I'll stay out of your way for the rest of the week. hee, hee!
I definely do not thing that you are crazy. We all have days like that and I admire you for having the courage to come out and say what your feeling. I do all those same things and I never know why either. It's just the way I feel sometimes. Hope things brighten up soon.
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